beauty in the rain..

I woke up this morning 

with my heart as  heavy

as the clouds 

that were pouring their tears upon us.

 I see changes coming.

Coming as quickly as the weather  

that changes from 

bright and cheery

to 

dark and dreary.

As any self-respecting, middle-aged ,mid-life crisis hormonal homeschooling mama would do,

I left my girl doing algebra 

and 

 I went outside to play.

I sought to find beauty in the rain.

Out on the porch, down the road, and into the alfalfa field

I went.

And do you know what?

I found it.

I found the beauty.

I just had to look for it.

 Find rest, O my soul, 

in God alone; 

my hope comes from Him.  

He alone is my rock and my salvation; 

He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  

My salvation and my honor depend on God; 

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.  

Trust in Him at all times, 

O people; pour out your hearts to Him,

for God is our refuge.

Psalm 62

Where are you looking for beauty today?

thirty.two

that 's how many years 

we've been man and wife

I love this picture of us.

more than any other ever  taken

I see so much love and joy in my husband's face.

We are truly at peace with each other.

I wish I could say that we have it all figured out

and that everyday is like that moment

but

it is 

not.

There are many days when I see this face

I see a man with sad eyes.

 My heart breaks for him

and misses the man he used to be.

(his story is told here~he lost his twin brother to suicide)

Then there are the days when I am not the wife I should be.


I may be a bit too opinionated.

In fact, we are having a hard time of it right now.

Last year I wrote this post.

I have gone back to read it 1, 2 , many times

over the past year.

to encourage me.

 Love is  always will be a choice.

I love this man

and

I count him as one of my greatest gifts.

I always hesitate to write a post like this. 

 I want to be real. 

I want to share my life with you. 

 my real life.  

I don't want you

 to 

think for one minute

 that it is all white paint and roses over here.  

And that all I  do is  dream up a project 

and that my 

husband does it.  

No, we are real people with real feelings that 

often get hurt, 

real people with tempers that often are set off,

and real people that desperately need a Savior.  

A real Savior to teach us grace, forgiveness and mercy.

And so today, even though we are struggling,


I choose...to give thanks...because...

all is grace.

killing two birds with one post...

I'm going to share a post from 2 years ago.
I think it  fits with the pinterest debate that is going around
as well
as showing you one of my Valentine celebrations.
There are fewer calories
if
we revisit the post
rather 
than 
re-creating the decoration!
**********************************************************************************

are you
a trend setter or or a trend follower?

These words have been rattling

around inside my head...

ever since my daughter said

"mom, you're such a copycat"...

There are a few out there that set  the trends

and

most of us  follow them.

I confess...I am a follower.

Take the new issue of Romantic Homes

for instance...

I saw the cover and loved it...

so I took the idea and made a few changes

changes that suit us

like pink candy corn and cinnamon bears

Then I added in some things I really love

and finished with this

I'm bringing this up because

there are so many wonderful ideas out there...

...some that I have been pondering for quite some time...

...waiting for me to get the courage to try...

and I feel it (the courage) coming.

If some of it ends up looking a little familiar,

Remember: Imitation is the highest form of flattery...

but I'm trying to give it my look...

as I get my wings it will become more and more me...

Thank you

so much for your kind words of encouragement

on my collage project!

You are giving me my wings...and I am flying high.

...know that I appreciate you all...

...even if I don't always say so...

I have so many plans...big plans...and they are keeping me busy...

now to land and finish the dishes...


********************************************
As I read this again
I can see how  in the past 2 years
I have  
timidly stepped out,
been brave, 
and 
tried new things.
I really do feel as though I have found my wings.


But I DO still use your blogs, pinterest, and magazines
to gain inspiration.
I gather all of the ideas
looking for what I pin over and over.
I try to pin-point what it is that I am loving.


And then I step away, 
turn off the computer
and listen to my heart.


"What do I have?
What do I really love?
What am I really trying to accomplish?"


And I still quote 
Cindy from Cottage Instincts:
What likes am I willing to give up 
so 
that I can keep that which  I love?


Just some ramblings for the day...I don't really have an
answer for the debate.
***
These 2 photos show how my photo editing has changed.
Which do you prefer?

2010

2012


All  of that said...I am so close to being ready
to show  you my  kitchen makeover...I am lovin' it!

a great love...

I will praise you, Oh Lord my God,
with all of my heart;
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depth of the grave.
Ps. 86:12

HERE is a post I wrote 1 year ago. 

 Today, as I  reflect again, 

I can honestly say that I am thankful 

for 

those difficult years.  

The Lord used them in a mighty way 

to teach me so much  

 about His love, grace, and faithfulness. 

And isn't that what this season is all about?

seeing the whole picture...

 or 

my love/hate relationship with blogging

I love blogging.

Blogging is good for me

Blogging makes me go out of my own little world;

out of my comfort zone

 Blogging  makes me look for beauty

even when the bigger picture looks like this

To be honest,  much of my life  looks like this

(we're still working on painting the house)

a pile of unfinished  projects

every now and then I feel the need to  'fess up

and

let you know this

lest you think I have it all together.

I don't.

To be honest, 

I'm drowning right now in unfinished projects,

including blogging.

I hate that I feel so behind.

I think I'll focus on this right now.

thank you for the sweet words regarding my last post...I'm not really that close to either situation...they both just really touched my heart.

words of grace...

On those days of struggle: 
disappointment, insecurities, unmet expectations, judgement, uncertainties...days like today... 
I remember this:

For we are God's workmanship,  

created  in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared  in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:9

it's a keeper...

I wanted to show you a bit of  

 pretty

It hasn't been all work

and no play around here.

One of the things 

I am trying to keep in mind

as 

I sort

and 

decide

is:

Do I love it?

Does it reflect me?

This met my requirements.

It is

a 

keeper.

I do love it.

It does reflect me.

It is unique, old and so pretty.

It has handpainted roses and words

I've had it for a long time

and

it has looked like this for years...

the dark green mat is from my victorian decor days

not right for today's look

in order to really make progress

I also need to finish projects

so after deciding that it was a keeper

I set aside an afternoon to work on it

I painted the mat

and

then went after it with my spritzer of coffee

much better, don't you think?

to address my last post.
I'm not sure why I posted all of that
I tend to be like that.


impulsive


But what I did not expect was 
your response
as raw and as real as my post was
your response was equally so
humbling, tear-producing, honest
you encouraged me to keep going,
you understood me-you struggle in this area,too.




because of you, my load is lightened.
of course, these comments from my girls mean the world to me.


I wish I had read this when we were visiting earlier! Becuase I would have told you that I CAN see a difference!! This post is real, and real is often raw, bringing tears. Keep at it....you can do it and still love your house!

By Mrs. MK on where am I ? on 3/22/11

I'm proud of you Mom. You are making great progress, and I am so glad to see you trying! :) Love you tons. And you should check out this: http://becomingmrsg.blogspot.com/p/graphic-design.html
By Mrs. G on where am I ? on 3/23/11

I have all of your comments, sitting in my inbox,
to read again 


I will publish  them as I make my way to your place
because they deserve a personal reply
YOU deserve a personal reply.


if any of you are concerned about the lack of comments,
don't be.
they are there.

You're

a 

keeper.