5 years ago...

I posted this a year ago~it is still so true

so

I'm going to post it again.

A way to bring honor to my God

and

a way to bring honor to my loss.

I know there is debate out there in blogland

over whether to only share the *pretty*.

But not everyone is always in the *pretty*

Real life happens.

~

July 29, 2008

~

Today marks the day

that day 5 years ago

when

I began the path

into the darkest, loneliest valley

I've ever known.

It would be a test of my faith,

a test of true submission,

a life-changing time.

My heart was broken completely;

the loss and emptiness indescribable.

Thing after thing was taken from me.

The details don't really matter;
but what does matter is what I've learned.

I've learned that:

1. Grief is a very hard work-

a very physically demanding work.

(I never would have expected it to be so physical)

It has a timetable of its own-

God brings healing when He brings it.


Thank you to all of you who were so patient with me.

2. To question, to be angry, to struggle

is not to be a failure as a Christian

but is rather an opportunity

to really understand

GRACE.

I'm still here because God
hung onto me during the storm.


Cling as I might
it could never be enough.

3. That I don't always understand the mercy of God -
Why he gives a "yes" answer to one prayer
and then a "no" answer to the next one.

And that it is

OK

that I don't understand.

4. That God is good.

Not because he does good things

but

because He IS good.

5. That He will use this for good.

Hard as it is, maybe, just maybe,
I can encourage someone else.

6. That joy does come in the morning.

That eventually there is healing.

That I can finally talk about it and sing about it.

So dear Kate, take heart, it will get easier.

But you will never forget.

My heart will never be the same.

But may it be softer, more full of grace, love and mercy.

Just like the Father's.

Praise the LORD, all my soul;

all my inmost being, praise His holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your disease,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103

I really didn't want to do this post

but this battle has been such a part of me.

It has shaped who I've become.

Miss Gracie's was conceived during this time

as an outlet-

a chance to make something beautiful with my hands.

Have a great day,

Rene'