Wednesday, July 29, 2009

5 years ago...

I posted this a year ago~it is still so true
so
I'm going to post it again.
A way to bring honor to my God
and
a way to bring honor to my loss.
I know there is debate out there in blogland
over whether to only share the *pretty*.
But not everyone is always in the *pretty*
Real life happens.
~
July 29, 2008
~
Today marks the day
that day 5 years ago

when

I began the path
into the darkest, loneliest valley
I've ever known.



It would be a test of my faith,
a test of true submission,
a life-changing time.


My heart was broken completely;
the loss and emptiness indescribable.
Thing after thing was taken from me.






The details don't really matter;
but what does matter is what I've learned.






I've learned that:

1. Grief is a very hard work-

a very physically demanding work.

(I never would have expected it to be so physical)

It has a timetable of its own-

God brings healing when He brings it.


Thank you to all of you who were so patient with me.




2. To question, to be angry, to struggle

is not to be a failure as a Christian

but is rather an opportunity

to really understand

GRACE.

I'm still here because God
hung onto me during the storm.


Cling as I might
it could never be enough.





3. That I don't always understand the mercy of God -
Why he gives a "yes" answer to one prayer
and then a "no" answer to the next one.

And that it is

OK

that I don't understand.


4. That God is good.

Not because he does good things

but

because He IS good.



5. That He will use this for good.

Hard as it is, maybe, just maybe,
I can encourage someone else.





6. That joy does come in the morning.

That eventually there is healing.

That I can finally talk about it and sing about it.

So dear Kate, take heart, it will get easier.


But you will never forget.




My heart will never be the same.

But may it be softer, more full of grace, love and mercy.

Just like the Father's.




Praise the LORD, all my soul;

all my inmost being, praise His holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits-

who forgives all your sins

and heals all your disease,

who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103


I really didn't want to do this post

but this battle has been such a part of me.

It has shaped who I've become.

Miss Gracie's was conceived during this time

as an outlet-

a chance to make something beautiful with my hands.




Have a great day,

Rene'

14 comments:

Paula said...

Dear Rene',
Such a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing your heart and glorifying God through all that you have suffered. You are such a blessing! I love all the scripture you share. It is so wonderful to know that the Lord will never leave us or forsake us, that He is full of grace, mercy and compassion! You are an encouragement to me and all that visit you!

I have enjoyed reading all your lovely posts I have missed. I pray the babies and momma are doing well. Your bedroom is so gorgeous. I loved the photo of your daughter enjoying the yummy ice cream you made.

Thank you for visiting me and for your kind words.

Blessings,
Paula

Mrs. MK said...

Now it's my turn to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't remember your day!!"

Thank you, I needed reminding *again*!

fairmaiden said...

Psalm 103 was(and still is) a comfort to me as well, through the wilderness, barren, lonely, empty, broken, shadow of death season. Clinging is something I learned too. And will live the rest of my days clinging to my Beloved LORD. Abiding in His wounded side. I have come to know His love more fully through the fellowship of his sufferings, but I have also come to know that I am nothing and He is everything. I want to remain broken and lowly, in need of Him daily, delighted in just one glance from Him. Like Mary whom spent all she had pouring out her fragrance over Him because He loved her like no other had ever loved her. He will continue to heal and comfort you in the rain of your tears with the balm of His love.

lady jane said...

I'm so thankful our Lord brought you to low places in order to lift you up and make you even more His own. Those are necessary places and some of us have dwelt in the deep valleys there at certain times. I'm thankful for you - for me - for others.

Your post ministered to my heart, Rene - I'll be sharing it with my daughter as I'm sure it will touch her deeply.

Bless you, dear lady.

Pink Slippers said...

Thank you for sharing your post. I find peace reading it because I do know that He is a good and loving GOd. My heart breaks for those who don't know Him or choose not to. Pslam 84:10
Better is one day in Your courts
than a thousand elsewhere
Through our trials we can turn to Him and find comfort. And when even that is to hard, He is still there with us. Enjoy something today. Sunshine, flowers, a friend, or a quiet moment but enjoy it.

thepaperroSe said...

thank you for sharing...what a wondeful reminder of how great HE is.....
Brenda

~Becca~Bluebird Rose said...

Hello Rene',
I just found your blog and came across this post. While I don't know your situation, I too have been through tremendous grief, and can so relate to what you shared. Joy DOES come in the morning; thanks be to God. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings;
Becca

Roberta said...

Thanks for putting your heart into words.
God IS good.

Diane said...

A beautiful post....I understand.
blessings
Diane

Tasha said...

We love you!

podso said...

God's grace, and your faith, shine through in your beautiful words and photos. Thank you for sharing.

Pauline said...

Thank you so much for this post.
Hugs

Romantique Junk ~ Brenda said...

I was just going from blog to blog and found this post. Thank you for sharing your faith and giving hope that there is Amazing Grace and blessings in the greatest losses we may have to endure.

Sweet Sage said...

that's IT .. worded so perfectly .. .

"as an outlet~
a chance to make something beautiful with my hands" ...

just the words i've been needing.

when so much
with so many
seems soooo out of my control ..

i MUST make something 'pretty'.

so touched. thank you.

not knowing your pain ..
thank you.

~kim

p.s. healing thoughts for your DH.
LoVe LoVe your whites!