helpless...

but 

not

 hopeless.

Again...

I am at this place.

the place where my mama's heart just wants 

to fix it

to kiss it better

to be the one 

who takes care of it all...

but i  can't

there is not one thing I can do

my dear firstborn 

some of  you will remember this and then this

she is 16 weeks along in her (current) sweet 7 pregnancy 

her words from her blog last night:

Sweet 7 Update

How I am doing depends on which hour of which day you talk with me.   Most days,  I have a good stretch,  and then, a not so good time, too.  Some days are mostly good,   and very rarely (every few weeks or so!) I have a day that is all bad.   I am very thankful for this....not everyday is all bad.

Today I have been working with the boys and around the house,  finishing school and getting ready to (hopefully) go hunting this weekend.   As this afternoon wears on,  I am feeling the tensions increase,  since tomorrow is my 16 week check-up.  It's been 4 long weeks since I've heard Sweet 7's tiny heartbeat.

We last heard Benjamin's at our regular 15 week check-up.  3 weeks later,  there was none.   We have entered the window of loss for me,  and I am very frightened to walk into the Dr's office tomorrow.       Will I be broken,  or will this sweet baby live on, while we wait some more?

God's mercy is all we need.   Pray for it to pour down on us.

I know this pain, this fear, this moment of truth all too well.


I may be helpless
but there is ONE who is not.


What comfort.
What hope.
What peace.

these  words  were are  my anchor 

But I trust in you, O Lord
I say, "You are my (her) God
My (her) times are in your hands"
Psalm 31:9

We have put our HOPE in the living God.
1 Tim. 3:10

As for God, his way is perfect:
the word of the Lord is flawless
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in Him
for who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?
2 Samuel 22:31, 32

So for now,

I wait

I pray

I hope


update:  she just called...all is well...today we rejoice