Friday, June 18, 2010

denial...

Well girls,
yesterday was  a day of facing reality.
A reality 
that
I had been 
in denial about
because
as you know 
the show must go on.


Tears, anger, fear swelled up
 as we faced the truth.
No more denial.


We found out that our, 
obviously less-than-adequate health insurance,
 (we are self-employed)
denied  my husband's heart procedure.
(We were told the Dr's office was handling the pre-approval.)
As you can imagine, that is no little hospital bill.

My first reaction was: 
paint something. 
paint anything.
 hurry. 
fill up the shop.
what can I sell?
paint something.
paint anything.
on and on. around and around.
All panic.
We wait in HOPE for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our HOPE in you.
Psalm 33:20

Be still. Be quiet.  
Let God provide.


This will be a slow, steady process...
one baby step at a time.

Praise the LORD, O my soul
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all of your sins
and heals your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:1-5

I will deny.
I will deny panic
I will deny anger
I will deny fear.



Be strong and take heart,
all you who Hope in the LORD.
Psalm 31:24


I write this mainly for me...as a monument of sorts...
a place to "lay" it down
a place to remind me
a place to record my life and my journey of faith.

I had signed up to do *where bloggers create*...I'm not sure what I was thinking anyway...we're barely finding the floor around here...sigh.
 (BTW-thanks to all of you for making me feel normal for my mess!) and with all of this I need to turn my heart to home.
There's always next year.
And you've all seen where I really create anyway.

69 comments:

winnibriggs said...

I am sure your faith will get you though in the end. We wish you the best of luck for the times ahead.

~~Deby said...

((((hugs)))) and prayers...HE the creator sees the whole picture and so so often in life and situations, too many to mention I am so thankful for that...keep clinging...Romans 8:28
~deby

Hope Filled Living said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how medical bills have potential to cause financial devastation. I'm up to my ears with my daughters heart problems right now--she's 21 and we are leaving for Mayo Clinic on Tuesday. Cardiac treatment has already cost us $2500 out of pocket this month alone. I just have to believe that God will take care of everything. We have BC/BS insurance, but we too are self-employed...My prayers are with you and your family. Remember Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you"...

My Shabby Roses said...

Wow, what a shocker! You are right though Rene' our hope is in the Lord and He will supply all your needs. Keep plugging along you'll get it down and who knows what wonderful miracles God has in store for you along the way, when you trust Him.

Tete said...

Hang in there-look at what you do have- and what God has allowed you to keep- your husband. Bills? I know big bill- but they take payments. Just say- God, you gave us the bill, give us a way to repay it. Then put that chin up, trust in Him and walk in His peace knowing He is in control. You've been through worse and have lost things you can't put a price on, so don't let this fear take another breath. You're in my prayers.

Glenda... said...

good morning,
I am so sorry about this turn of events...I have been there. I know the shock, betrayal of it.
Lean on the Lord with all your heart...
Lean on the Doctor's office for not getting a pre-approval also.
This should be a courtesy from them since they did'nt do their part. Be your own advocate and talk to them about it...
Praying it will all work out..
blessings,
glenda

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

Oh no. Things will somehow work out for you with your faith, I am sure of it. You may need to do some research, with Gods help, but you will get through this. We are self employed too and pay for our own health insurance too but I am not sure if we got it somewhere else it would be any different. Keep the faith and keep searching for help. Hugs and extra prayers are being sent your way.
~Debra
Blog: Capers of the vintage vixens

Sheila Rumney said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you! May God hold you in his arms and give you the strength and hope that only He can give.

Petite Michelle Louise said...

you, your husband and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sue said...

"HOPE" is a word I live with daily. I keep "HOPE" tucked safely next to my heart. Our country and health insurance and more is a total mess right now. Someone needs to fix this, they really need to fix all of this. Take it a day at a time, hang on to your "HOPE" and your "FAITH" and every little thing will be alright.

Take care, Sue

rosechicfriends said...

Hi Renee...
Oh thank you for sharing from your heart! I can so understand your plight and yet you trust in the Lord.

My hubs has been out of work almost 2 years with nothing even on the horizon. To say we struggle with discouragement from time to time is an understatement. We now pay our own insurance as cobra is gone...bitter pill to swollow. I continue to HOPE and wait...but some days wish the Lord would just step in...I will pray for God's will in your situation! He indeed knows and has already answered!

Blessings,
lorena

Diane said...

I always come to read your beautiful blog and drool over and be inspired by your gorgeous pics. I'm never disappointed. I hadn't read since the headless lady and I had a lot of pictures to catch up with as well as your husbands surgery. Blessings and prayers , Diane

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Sweet Old Vintage said...

Tears have swelled to my eyes as I know the pain your family must be feeling... I know knowing others have shared the same or similar situations does bring much comfort but I can assuure you it goes on everyday everywhere.Some how it will work out but sometimes not the way we want it to.. We have plans and God has plans we do not understand and having strength and patience to endure these can be very trying... My thoughts and best wishes come to you as you travel through this time in your life... I can only say be thankful you have each other....Many times people travel this road and end up without one or the other... Prayings for blessings to come your way.....

podso said...

I hope you can talk to the insurance and request them to reconsider it. Some sort of appeal. Meanwhile, I appreciate your words today and your focus. That's the only right place to be. Praying God will amaze you through some little and BIg things!

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

I know that God sees your situation and will not leave you without an answer. I do believe that with my whole heart and I too am needing to hear these words. As you post more for yourself, I see myself needing to hear, read your words of encouragement for me as well. Thanks for this and I will hold you and your family up in prayer, T

Julie said...

REMEMBER the story about the widow's oil jar with Elijah. She thought they were going to die but then God sent the prophet and she fixed him a little to eat *in faith* because he told her to trust. That jar was filled and never ran out. Their needs were met for every day.
That story is in the Bible FOR A REASON. God wanted us to get the principle in that miracle. He CAN DO ANYTHING. Impossible is not a word in His vocabulary, and He owns the cattle on a thousand hills which is just a word picture that HE owns well more than anyone could ever add up and get a figure on. EVERYTHING!!! He CAN and WILL meet our needs. We just need to trust through the hard times and the waiting for HIS timetable. You do know this! I can tell. I just always think of that story in the OT. What a testimony of how our GOD can do awesome things. Hugs to you and prayers lifted up. I know its scary.

Zuzu said...

Dear Rene',
God loves you and will guide you. Know that we are sending love, positive thoughts and prayers your way.
Hugs,
Zuzu

Claudia said...

Oh, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I don't understand the health care industry - supposedly there to protect us in just the sort of situation you were in with your husband's heart surgery.

Even though you might not be able to see it, or feel it, you are provided for. Abundance is already your reality.

xo
Claudia

CeCe said...

Just to let you know -you are in my thoughts -
Just to let you know- you are in my prayers
Just to let you know - it will be alright

Jonny said...

Terrible to hear, It is wonderful that you have your faith. They say somehow, something good comes out of a tragedy I believe that, hopeful that there will be some kind of help somewhere. It makes you wonder what is Insurance for doesn't make sense I had that happen once My insurance didn't want to pay for an emergency room visit as if you have a choice when you go to the emergency room, and in your husbands case a heart procedure sounds pretty important! I wonder how they think! Those Roses are so gorgeous in that jar!!! Sincerely,Jonny

Adrienne said...

My dear, little eighty-seven-year-old mother would say: 'This was no surprise to God!' He knew about it all along and He has a plan. Yes, wait and trust and wait patiently for Him - rest in His arms. Praying for you today, my friend.
~Adrienne~

melissa said...

Bless your heart (I'm new here, but find your posts and photos so appealing!), and find strength in your writing today.

The Lord does indeed know all things, even though I try to run the world myself.

Lean, girl. Just lean. :)

Kindred Spirit Soap Co. said...

Life hands us some really hard stuff. I know that you are a very strong woman who can face these challenges head on and tackle it day by day with your faith, love, family and friends. If you need any help with any sale etc. Just call me!!! I love Idaho.
I will say a prayer for your situation my friend
Blessings to you
Julie

Sandi said...

*I wish I had a big yellow umbrella
that would keep all the rain out of your life.
I would hold it over your head,
and the drops would splash, splash,
and you would never even feel them.
But I don’t have a big yellow umbrella,
so I’ll walk through the rain with you.

Hope is more than a word-
it’s a state of being.
It’s a firm belief that
even if you don’t know how,
even if you don’t know when,
God will come through
and better days are ahead.
Life brings rain...
Hope dances in the puddles
Until the sun comes out again.*

{taken from the book I sent you Rene'} LOVE IT and it is so true! Praying for you and your family today!!
Hugs~

Claire de Lune said...

Don't let fear motivate you into action to resolve this. Wait on God to move. Only then will you know what should and can be done. My prayers are with you....

Anonymous said...

You're in my prayers.

craftymarta said...

Rene, it will happen, He will provide what needed. Just this morning I heard a beautiful testimony from a friend's husband. She got terminal cancer and is battling it for the fifth time. Last week she could not swallow and was in extreme pain. Their insurance denied her medicine and they spend days trying to appeal. While at one of her check ups they met and started a conversation with a lady. She have been thru the same process and knew exactly who to talk to. My friends's medicine was approved within hours. Isn't our God great? Rest in HIs peace and assurance. I have seen the hand of God do wonders, he will do again. Will be praying, blessings, Marta.

Pauline said...

(((Dear Rene)))
I'm so sorry to hear your news. I will keep you in my prayers.

God bless you.

just a little bit shabby said...

Rene,
That is a difficult position to be in, but I am sure that all the money in the world would not replace your precious husband and his health. Somehow,someway you will find a way to come through this. All your friends will stand by you so when you get down remember that God and your firends are with you through it all.
Prayers and hugs are coming your way.
Stay strong,
Sandy

sweetpea said...

I'm praying for an abundance of blessings for you and your husband. I'll miss you at the party but you've got your priorities straight.

Hugs,

Shelley

Angela said...

God WILL provide. That's what He does. The more we need, the more we get to see Him provide! It definitely takes us out of our comfort zone, but when there is no other way, we can look to no other (which is what we should always do after all!). Then we see our GOOD God meet all our needs. Praise His holy name!!
I'm praying for you and your family, Rene.

Virginia said...

Christ can and will do anything for those that believe in him.I know is hard but just simple BELIEVE....

Beth A. said...

Rene, Don't worry about not doing the Where Bloggers Create. You just take care of you and your family which is what is important. Keep up the faith. God is good to us and will help you get through this. I wish you the best.

bikim said...

Oh no! just hope everything turns out ok!
happy wk!
Rosa

thepaperroSe said...

Praying for you....understand...we are self employed....you pay out all that money and expect them to be there for you.. Did your husband have a heart ablation? I know from experience they are not cheap....I went through that twice......ending up with a pacemaker.....fortunatley we serve an amazing God....he does provide. I for one, need to be continuesly reminded of that!

Rebecca said...

It will be so wonderful to see the Lord move and work in your life. A friend once told me to be broken and at the end of our wits is absolutely the best place to be because then will you see the glory and love of God in your life. We as Christians are not made to have an easy life... how else will we become conformed to the image of Christ but to grow and where there is pain they say there is gain and what more than to gain our place with Christ in His kingdom. I am praying for you dear one that you will stand up and be strong in the Lord through this!
Many many blessings to you\
Rebecca

Julie Ann said...

Oh, I am so sorry that you all have to go through this!!! I will be praying for your family, that your sweetheart will receive the care that he needs.

June said...

I am so, so sorry Rene'. This is so hard. And I am reminded of when Landon was born and we had just changed jobs, and found that his new insurance would not cover any of the expenses. We paid on those forever. I will be sending good thoughts and many prayers for you dear friend.
I am so bummed that I missed your amazing sale. Looking through the photos, I was thinking...Oh, I would have bought that and that and that. It looks like I nees to make a trip to The Shabby House to see if you have anything left!
hugs to you from here!

sissie said...

I wish the best for you and your husband and prayers that all will turn out to be alright.

hugs
Sissie

Becky C said...

This was my first time to visit your blog, and I must say it had a profound impact on me...your gorgeous home- the photos are captivating. But your message was an absolute outpouring of your heart. Remember, God hears our cries, and we shall believe the report of the Lord. As a new blogger, I will certainly follow and pray for your family daily.
Becky C

Roses, Lace and Brocante said...

Thinking of YOU at this time.

Have faith.. He said,
"when the load gets too heavy and the burden too large - give it to Me".

Now I do and I just say this little prayer:
'I can't cope Lord and I'm handing it all over to YOU'.

I feel the weight lifted from my shoulders and do you know, somehow it all works out.
'ask and you shall receive'....

T's Daily Treasures said...

God is in control. Not the doctors, not the insurance companies. God will lead your steps in the way that you need to go to resolve this. Where there's a need, there is a way. Sending lots of hugs and prayers and well wishes your way, Tammy

Faded Charm said...

Oh Rene, I'm so sorry, but somehow these things always work out in the end even though you don't think you can do it. You have such a strong faith and it will help you get through this.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,

Kathleen

Alicia ~ time worn style said...

All will be well I am sure of it, prayers for you and your husband.
alicia
ps. such beauty in your photos, love them.

Michella said...

Bless your sweet heart :( I am so sorry to hear about this. My heart is just broken for you!! I pray that God will provide a way for your husband to have his surgery and for y'all to remain financially intact. Have faith in Him who gives us our strenth. He will provide a way!! You, your husband, and your family will all be in my prayers!!
Love and hugs to y'all
Michella

Maleviks Rosenträdgård said...

L
O
V
E

T
H
I
S

Look at my blog :)
Håkan From Sweden

Southern Belle said...

So sorry to hear this. Praying the Lord provides your every need.

Anne - Fiona and Twig said...

You are such a strong and brave woman-an inspiration. And you and your family will most certainly remain in my prayers!

Robyn said...

Huge hugs and prayers for you. I will pray that this will all work out. Your attitude alone is so uplifting!

vintagebejoyful said...

oh Rene, write letters tons of them, we did even to our legislators, phone calls to the insurance like crazy.....it worked for us, partially they paid for some things when they denied everything! my heart goes out to you, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.....

Tracey

Tarnished and Tattered said...

Rene,
First off, where you 'create' is your home, & you share it with us generously everyday.
It breaks my heart to see what you (& so many others) are going through. It's enough to have to handle illness without the anxiety over whether or not insurance will decide to cover it. So many bloggers have shared their frustration with our country's health care system. I pray for you, I know your faith & love of family will pull you through. Lisa

Lori Katies Rose Cottage said...

I have been reading through the precious words that so many have written to you ~ Words of encouragement and the hope that our Lord promises and gives to us ~
I hate that we have to go through trials but I do know in those times that God will give us peace that He promises and show us who He is in a way that we could only have seen through this time ~
You and your husband will be so very much in my prayers ~
Hugs
Lori

"House 21" said...

a great and wonderful posting !!!
thank you for this !!!
hugs mina ;-.)

Rosewood Cottage said...

I can feel your pain as I am sure so many other Americans do. I don't have health insurance (conditions make it unafforable) and two years ago had to have major surgery and we are still paying the bill.
I have since found out there are clinics in my area where one without health insurance (I realize you have it but this may be helpful) will refer to hospitals for lab work, procedures, etc. etc. In my area it is called the Hope Clinic...maybe there could be something similar that could help your hubby right now. I am praying that something comes through and the procedure can be done. HUGS!

Nancy

NanaKaren said...

I am so sorry to hear of your predicament and will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. Could your doctor resubmit to the insurance company? Sometimes, the medical codes are a bit off causing rejection.

Take care, Karen L.

Lynn said...

Renee, Have not been blogging in weeks (just taking a break) and popped into see you. My heart is holding you and your husband in HIS hands. There have been times in my life where I am too overwhelmed to even utter prayers, I just cling to my Bible and HE fills me with HIS strength. HE can more than we ever think or hope or ask for! Always. I will be Praising HIM for the answers I know HE will provide. Big hugs.
Lynn

Just a little something from Judy said...

Believe me, I know about those hospital bills since our husbands have been through similar situations in the last few months. I am so sorry you got this news. I admire your claiming God and His Word through it, and I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Without a doubt you are turning to the right and only source of rescue.

ladydi said...

I send you faith. God will provide. I can't imagine what you are going through. I live in Canada and we all have health insurance.
As you said "Be still" And God will answer your prayers. I will pray for you and your husband. Take care.

dianne

gloria said...

I will keep you in my thoughts. We have been in the same situation and it has been hard.

That's So Shabby said...

I have finally come to know that if I just let go and let God, He will provide for me.
YOu can read my blog and fb page to see what all I have been struggling with (not health). And I am so happy to be able to tell anyone, that if we just have faith, FULL FAITH, He will provide in HIS time. Be still and wait in the Lord. I love it.
I will keep you in my prayers. He is our comforter in time of need. He is our mighty refuge. Godspeed.

Sandi@ Rose Chintz Cottage said...

Well, bless your hearts! What an ordeal you are going through. But God will find a way for you because you are His child! He sees the whole picture and not only will He see you through to the end but He will grant you strength on the way there. I will pray for you and your hubby. I'm glad I found you. Wishing you a beautiful day.

Blessings,
Sandi

Heather ~ Pretty Petals said...

Hello Rene, I am wishing and praying that you will get your answers and help you need. I am so sorry you have to be going through this. It makes me want to cry for families that face these issues.

THinking ofyou... you sure have been through so much lately. Why does it always seem that when it rains it pours?

love to you, xoxo

Dayle said...

For what it's worth, Rene, you are in the company of people who genuinely care, and what comfort to know the Lord. No matter our circumstances, the joy of the Lord will be your strength.

Cheyenne said...

Oh hugs to you!

I think what you have learned/are learning through this time was a lesson for me as well. This post hit my smack in my heart...HARD. I needed to hear every word you wrote.

I'll pray for you during this time in your life...

@nemonen said...

I love thoose photos, it´s my taste. I wish you luck. have a nice day.

Rose ~Victorian Rose ~ said...

I am praying for you and your husbands situation right now...I have been so very, very behind on my blog checking...and I am sorry I missed this post so much earlier in June.
I know your faith is VERY STRONG...and he will be fine.


Rose

Beth said...

Praying for you, Rene. God knows your needs. Still, we struggle. Keep up the good fight.
Hugs and blessings,
Beth
p.s. love the images with this vignette and also your 4th of July post!

Cami @ Creating Myself said...

We're self-employed too so we feel your pain. Our "health insurance" is a joke...they find a reason to exclude anything we need done! And the maximum they pay is never enough to cover even half of any of the procedures.

I'll keep you & your hubby in my prayers!

The Barn Chicks said...

I felt compelled to read your blog today, glad I did. I drove by a church and got a friendly reminder to "Pray until something happens." PUSH. Please keep us posted!!!